Are you a real leader or just a rockstar who can attract a crowd?

I have been challenged to rethink what I used to know about leadership. There have been a few people recently, who have caused me to wonder if the amount of followers leaders have is even that important. See, I had always (secretly) hoped that someday I would be a leader who had thousands of people flocking around me to hear what I had to say. That was what my dream of greatness looked like - me, on a stage with a sweet light show and wearing a trendy outfit while spewing my buckets of wisdom... Sounds real biblical, huh?

But then I met some people who had all of that. They seemed like the perfect leaders, but somehow they weren't leading anyone. In fact, they refused the leadership opportunities that were placed right in front of them because it involved service more than spotlights. For them, the idea of leadership was less about actually leading people to something greater, and more about attracting people to themselves. 

When I saw this in other people (because it was easier to see it in other than see it in myself), I learned something very important: Leaders lead, and great leaders lead to great places. Notice what I didn't say: Leaders attract, and great leaders attract more. A rockstar does that, not necessarily a leader. Leaders go somewhere and people follow them to that place. And the place that leaders take people is far more important than how many people they are taking there. When it comes to leadership, it doesn't matter how many people are following you as much as where you are going.

Jesus has called his people to lead others to him. This is the greatest form of leadership: making everything in your life about leading others to Jesus. And this form of leadership is starkly contrasted with what lots of people (and I used to be one of them) think of as leadership: being a rockstar and attracting loads of people to themselves. This may be the American Dream, but this is not Jesus' dream for his people. Jesus has called you to lead others to him. And if you are leading people, Jesus makes it clear that this road is paved with service and sacrifice, not power moves and popularity.

Jesus said,

"The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." Matthew 23:11-12

And then he modeled this kind of leadership. On the one night that he could have afforded to take a little bit of pleasure in for himself - the night that he was going to sacrifice his very self in the greatest act of leadership EVER - he chose to serve rather than be served. Check out John 13:3-14 for this account. For Jesus, it was less about how many people saw him do that, and less about power moves and popularity, and more about leading his followers to something greater.

So my question to you is: are you leading or just attracting?

Don't waste the gift that God has given you today. Lead others. Lead them to him.

This post is sort of unusual compared to then content I usually post. Typically I am posting reflections on my personal journey with the Lord and things that can others can relate to. This post, while still reflecting on my personal journey, however, reflects more on the cognitive side of this. rather than the affective. It is meant to display God's grace in not only my growth in his Kingdom, but also on my professional development.

I have been doing youth ministry for over 5 years now, but this last month marked my the end of my first year of full-time youth ministry. So these are the 5 Things I Learned in My First Year of Full-Time Youth Ministry:

1. You have to use words, but your life is what students listen to the most. I think one of the most depressing things that I had to get over was that my words were not very memorable. One of the coolest things ever is when a student grabs ahold of your message, and journals it, or tweets it, or videos it, or talks about it. But the reality is that this doesn't happen very often. Standing alone, my words don't really do much.  In fact, almost every student I have ever spoken to do not remember 95% of what I have ever said in talks. Talk about de-motivation! But here is the thing, even though not memorable, many of my talks made a big difference in lives thanks to two factors: 1) the power of God working behind my capabilities, and 2) the time that I spent with all of my students showing

them what it looked like to follow Jesus. Though the message in my talks may not have been retained very long, the message of my life was much harder to forget.

2. Parents are not the enemy. Maybe this is an age thing or just very common in youth ministry, but there always seems like there is a cold war going on between parents and the youth ministry. Though no shots are fires, it feels like there is a stand-off for the rights to time and attention of their students. And though we both want the same thing - that the student would grow up to love and serve Jesus with his/her life - there remains this awkward tension sometimes when we meet in hallways on in an email because we don't exactly know what the other is thinking about us. (Maybe I'm way off, but that's the way it appears from my end sometimes.) But one of the coolest things that I have learned in youth ministry is that when that communication gap was bridged, and I could develop relationships my your students' parents, I realized a shocking truth - that parents were actually cheering for me and that they were actually really cool people. They just wanted to make sure that their student was getting the best ministry possible. And when I actually took the time to listen to them, what I heard were stories of fear, joy, pain, success, and longing. Parents want the best for their students and so do I. A little professionalism, a lot of communication, and a little time went a long way to gain their trust and something even greater - a group of some of the greatest cheer leaders on the planet!

3. You cannot possibly over communicate. I don't know how many times it took for me to learn this one. In fact, there are still times where I have to re-learn this lesson. Communication that is well in advance, thorough, and accurate is the goal. Obviously, there are last minute changes that come up, but I have learned that the more people that I tell and the more information I give, the more successfully everyone will be informed. And once of the only complaints I receive with somewhat regularity is that so-and-so didn't know about my well-planned event and really wished they had so they could be there.

4. Lead your youth leaders well and you will in turn lead your students well. I figured this one out very early on. I can only connect with so many students in a spiritually significant way. But when I make an intentional effort to disciple my leaders and lay out clear expectations, I am multiplying our ministry into something greater than I was ever capable of on my own. So now I love to take leaders out for coffee, or invite them to our house, or text them during the week to see how I can pray
for them. And as I am pouring into them, I explain that this is what I expect them do be doing with their small group. Ministry modeled. Ministry multiplied.

5. You're not alone! Man, I tell you what... One of the biggest lies that youth pastors believe is that you have to be the superman of your ministry. You have to know exactly what God's vision is for your ministry, know everybody in the ministry, be super engaging, create an Hillsong Young & Free environment, lead thousands of kids to Jesus, and do all of this under budget. And on top of that, there is the pressure to communicate all of this to your volunteers and train them on how to achieve this. And after some time of believing the lies about how inadequate I was to achieve all of this on my own (despite how noble these aspirations were), I began to become extremely overwhelmed. But one of the most freeing things ever was when I realized that my youth leaders were with me in this. They actually wanted to make a difference too, and they were really good at youth ministry already. All I had to do was give direction and lead on. I didn't have to do everything. I have hands on leaders, other youth pastors, parents, articles and blogs, and my own fellow staff members all to lean on. They are so incredible. I just have to trust that in all of our joint efforts, Jesus is receiving just as much glory as those flashy ministries I follow on Instagram.

(6. BONUS! Google apps are WAY better for working, creating, and collaborating than Microsoft apps! This one speaks for itself.)

This is a poem I wrote for my fiance to give to her the day I proposed.

---

I imagine myself

In the future afar

In an old wooden office

And my door ajar.

I am typing away

With a bad writer’s block

When out at the door

Comes a soft, saddened knock.

A sad, youthful chap

Mopes in kind of slow.

No spring in his step,

His head hanging low.

When asked, “What’s the matter?”

He let out a sigh,

And said to me slowly,

“I don’t understand why…”

“Trouble with the lady?”

I asked knowingly.

“How do you love mom

So romantically?”

I just sat there

As I thought for a while,

Until finally

I said with a smile,

“Son, there is a lot

That I don’t understand -

Like a flower in bloom;

Or how life began;

Or the way that whenever

I come up with a plan

It fails, and I’m struggling

To do what I can.

You see, there’s a lot

That I don’t understand,

But none quite compares

To this Quest of a man:

Loving a woman -

I’m learning a whole lot -

Not the greatest knight

In all Camelot,

Would be up for a Quest

So brave and so bold.

I’m learning some things

Even though I am old:

To love a woman,

You must let her go.

Love must mean action

Not merely a show.

Leading her is more

Than simply a title.

I must rule myself

Or I’ll make her an idol.

To love her like Jesus

Means giving up myself.

There’s no time for pride -

Feelings go on the shelf -

Like straining myself

To go the extra mile

To inspire some romance

If only for a smile;

Trying to cheer her

Even when I feel gloomy;

Or help with her homework,

Kind of like her roomie;

To make time for her,

Sacrificing my plans;

To love her and earn

The respect of a man.

I don’t understand

How simple this sounds

But for some reason

I’ve only figured out

The way to her heart

No science can tout,

But pure, patient love

Day in and day out.

Son, love is a verb.

It walks and has feet.

It’s not about you.

Your will you must beat.

Around every store,

And with ever fashion,

You’ll hear loud and clear:

“Love’s about passion!”

While it’s partly true,

It misses the point.

Commitment and effort

Give love its joints.

Your love will die

Without dedication.

Love is a lifestyle

Without a vacation.”

And if that weren’t enough,

I added just one

Concluding advice

For my disheartened son.

“I cherish Christine,

As I have all these years,

Because Christ loved me first

And calms all my fears.”

And though it was rather

A hard pill to swallow,

I saw him embrace

A brighter tomorrow.