A candle lit in darkness,

The glowing light of One,

Pushing through the shadows -

The Prince of Light had come.

His glory is among us.

The evil rule is done.

The darkness is retreating;

Our Prince of Light has come.

His presence is inviting;

Around Him is no fear.

There is no need for hiding;

My Prince of Light is here!

I tend to wander around in this thing called faith. I often figure things out as I am going, and it can be really frustrating, sometimes, to feel like everyone else knows more about following Jesus than I do

.

It is a struggle every day knowing that I am not as close to God as I really wish I could be. It is a struggle every wanting to see and hear this God that I try to follow. But then, when I am honest about my struggle, I am comforted by the assurance that I am not the only one who has ever been wrecked over this. 

There have been many saints who have wandered through these same murky waters. There are two lives in particular that I really look up to because they have traveled the lonely road of trying to figure out what it means to live for God despite not knowing what they were doing. These are my heroes.

1. St. Augustine

Growing up in Northern Africa, Aurelius Augustinus (aka Augustine) didn't have a lot of money. His parents spent more on his schooling than they could really afford. Augustine had a lot of second-rate school teachers in Thagaste. 

After a while, his family was able to afford to send him to Carthage, the best place in the world at the time to get a great education. But while he was there, he couldn't sit still. Though his mom prayed for him all the time, he had an insane craving for pleasure. He found himself a girl who became his concubine for many years. With this unnamed woman he had a son, Adeodatus. That same year, Augustine's father died. 

For many years, even though he was pursuing a higher understanding of religion, he couldn't shake his lifestyle of wanting more pleasure. This was his life for many years. But after a lot of frustrated searching and anxiety, Augustine had a crazy vision in his back yard. Before him he saw Lady Continence, who told him to take a leap of faith. He had been so agitated in body and mind that the vision came as a release. When he overheard the phrase "pick up and read" from a child at a nearby house, he grabbed his book of the Apostle Paul and read a passage. It seemed to be talking specifically to him. 

After that, he gave up all his worldly dreams. He quit his teaching job. He left Carthage, and the following Easter, he was baptized by Bishop Ambrose in Milan. Augustine and his mother decided to return to Africa, where they felt that they would be able to do the most good for God. There, he was very active in his church, and wrote a lot of things for the church so they could understand the Bible better. 

Over the last 17 years of his life, he had lost his father, his mother, and his son. He also lost his young, ambitious dreams of gaining the whole world. But he gained something far more important - a life that mattered and a hope that carried him through everything. He gained Jesus.

2. Rich Mullins

Rich Mullins was a musical prodigy who rose to Christian music fame and fortune only to walk away and live on a Navajo reservation. 

An artistic genius, raised on a tree farm in Indiana by a callous father, Rich wrestled all of his life with the brokenness and crippling insecurity born of his childhood. A lover of Jesus and a rebel in the

church, Rich refused to let his struggles with his own darkness tear him away from a God he was determined to love. As he struggled with success in Nashville and depression in Wichita, Rich desired most of all to live a life of honest and reckless faith amidst a culture of religion and conformity.

He was a prophet and a poet and a beggar, more comfortable with the homeless than the wealthy, more in love with Jesus than religion, more interested in the music than the song. He felt too much, and held too much. He searched desperately his whole life for a way to belong down here, but he never did. He was just passing through.

He said at one of his concerts one time, 

“I’m all the time being asked by people, ‘How do you feel closer to God?’ And I kind of always want to say, ‘I don’t know.’ When I read the lives of most of the great saints, they didn’t necessarily feel very close to God. When I read the Psalms, I get the feeling like David and the other psalmists felt quite far from God for most of the time. Closeness to God is not about feelings. Closeness to God is about obedience. It’s just as simple as that.”

Because of his life of love, Shane Claiborne said this about him,

“Rich Mullins is one of the most interesting people I’ve ever known. Interesting because he was honest — not perfect. He made you feel like Jesus was part of the band, telling stories around the fire, laughing with you at the bar. He made you feel like you could own your darkness and be honest with your doubts. He knew that inside each of us there is a sinner and a saint at war, and on good days the saint prevails, and on bad days –Jesus loves sinners. He was as winsome as a kid and as wise as a chief. This film captures the life of one of the most important people in the history of modern evangelicalism, a ragamuffin that our children and our grandchildren need to know about.”

This was a man who loved God no matter how he felt, no matter what other Christians were doing, and no matter what lies he heard from the enemy. He was committed to following Jesus no matter the cost.

And I, too, want that to be said of my life.

One of the of the biggest things that God is teaching me this week is the distinction between believing in him and following him. As I was reading in John this morning, this verse hit me and would not leave my mind all morning. John 8:31-32 says, 

"So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed him, 'If you continue in my word, then you are truly disciples of mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." 

There are many times in my life that I am tempted to take it easy in my faith, to slack off in my spiritual disciplines, or to be less alert in spiritual warfare, but Jesus says that his disciples will continue in his word. Those who continue to follow Jesus are those who are his disciples, and that is the goal of my life - to follow Jesus every day without taking a break. To that end, I have intentionally decided to do some things every day to keep me following Jesus.

1. Looking for just one thing each day from the Word. I think we often get overwhelmed with everything there is to learn in the Bible and everything we have to do to be a "good Christian" that we just forget everything. But one of the most powerful pieces of advice I have ever been given was when I went off to camp one summer. This sweet lady in our church wrote me a card that week and told me to just try to pick out one thing that God was teaching me that week. So I did and my life was totally changed that week. So now I try to do that whenever I read the Bible. Just pick out one thing that God is showing me that day.
2. Looking forward to small blessings. My dad always used to say to my family, "Anticipation is in and of itself a sensory delight." In other words, it feels good to look forward to something. And the more you look forward to something, the more you enjoy it. And the more you enjoy something, the more grateful you are for it. Bottom line: When I anticipate the little things that God is going to do for me every day, I will notice them, enjoy them, and be grateful for them. And believe it or not, I feel like God is blessing me more just because I choose to look forward to and notice his blessings more often.
3. Chatting with other who are following Jesus. Almost nothing encourages me to follow Jesus more than hanging out with someone else who is following Jesus. Some of my best friends in this entire world are those who love Jesus with all of their hearts and are serving him passionately wherever their lives take them. Just a simple chat or just a little time spent with Christine, Benjamin, Mark, David, or Ryan makes me want to love Jesus even more. It's amazing the power of choosing good friends.
4. Talking to God in the middle of normal things. Obviously it is good to plan specific times to pray every day, like in the morning, at meals, and before bed. You have probably heard all that before. So I am not going to dive into that. But I think that we often forget to relate to God as the real person that he is. He has feelings too. He cares about the things in your life. He likes to do stuff with you. And he wants to talk to you like a friend (cf. John 15:15). So when I talk to God in the middle of every day, normal things, I am living out the reality that he loves me, cares about me, and wants to be with me. And that just makes me want to love him and follow him more.

So what about you? What are the little things you do each day to follow Jesus?

Is there an area of your life that you know you need to start following Jesus in?

Don't wait until tomorrow to experience the blessing of a life well-lived. Follow Jesus every day starting today.

In August of 1965, Paul Simon of Simon & Garfunkel released an album entitled The Paul Simon Songbook. The first track of this album was the now-famous "I Am a Rock." This song has gone on to become quite legendary in the annals of rock music. But when I read through the lyrics of this song for the first time as a high schooler, I was quite amazed at how depressing the logical outcome of this song was. He wrote,

"A winter's day in a deep and dark December; I am alone, gazing from my window to the streets below on a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow. I am a rock, I am an island.

I've built walls, a fortress deep and mighty, that none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain. It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock, I am an island.

Don't talk of love, but I've heard the words before; it's sleeping in my memory. I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died. If I never loved I never would have cried. I am a rock, I am an island.

I have my books and my poetry to protect me; I am shielded in my armor, hiding in my room, safe within my womb. I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock, I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain; and an island never cries."

 As a Christian, I realize that this is not the reality of my life. Though things may be tough, I am not called to retreat and back away. I am called to stand out and transform the world around me. Much like Simon was lamenting, I don't belong. But unlike him, this is a very powerful identity that has been given to me. I stand out so I can transform the world.

To everyone in the Church, I want to encourage you, you are not a rock, nor are you an island. Instead, you have been set apart to be much more like an iPod. How you live has kingdom effects and those effects can be heard loud and clear.

An island is definitely set apart, but not in the way that we are supposed to be set apart. It just is away from everything. It doesn’t try to get in anyone’s business, but will certainly make you feel good if you come to it to relax. Unfortunately, some churches are like this.

A rock is set apart. People usually try to avoid rocks (driving, biking, kayaking, etc.). Rocks can hurt. But they can also look pretty when they all gather together and do nothing and stay out of your way. Unfortunately, some churches are like this too.

But we are not called to be like and island or a rock. In many ways, instead, we are called to be a little bit more like an iPod. An iPod is the source of something that can totally transform someone’s day: music. When people encounter good music, a day of clouds and rain can flip upside down and a smile can come back to their faces. Music has the power to totally change your perspective; it just needs to be played. Turn the iPod on. Put in the headphones. Bam!

In a similar way, the church is a lot more like an iPod than like an island or a rock. We have something inside of us that can totally transform the world. We just need to let it out and press play.

In what ways are you pressing play today?

I am writing early on a Sunday morning. This time of the week has been called many things over the years. But one of the things that has come to my mind this morning is the fact that this part of the week can often be the most segregated time of the entire week. People usually worship at churches where they feel like they belong. And often that means that they gather together at churches with people who are just like them.

As I was praying this morning for my city and my state, God put this on my heart. I couldn't shake out my head this concept that it is more like Jesus to spend my time around those who don't belong. Jesus was always seen with the outcasts and the misfits. In fact, one time he was even confronted by the Pharisees and scribes (the pastors and church workers of his day) about this in Luke 5:30-32. And he said to them,

"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners to repentance."

 It made me really reevaluate my priorities as a follower of Jesus. If I am really trying to live like him, what should my social circles look like. If all my friends are just like me - white, male, employed, married, stable family, etc. - then I might not actually be living like Jesus as much as I would like to think.

So as I was letting this thought marinate in my mind this morning, I was drawn to pray that God would give me a heart for those who don't belong.

And I hope he does for you too.

Because the more we embrace people around us who need the love of God - regardless of skin color, social class, or even personality - the more we will begin to look like the One who came to seek and to save the lost.