Recently, I was asked to share some of my thoughts on the book-based movie that was released on Valentine's Day, Fifty Shades of Grey. I was hesitant at first because I didn't have any thoughts... I didn't know much about it, not having read the book or watched the movie. This led me into some uncomfortable research about the characters, the message, and the implications of this twisted story. What I came to in the end was the horrifying realization that, more than ever before, our culture loves
to define its own morality based on its desires, and then celebrate that form of pseudo-morality as its greatest form of consciousness. Consequently, those who dare stand up to this twisted morality are automatically labeled as haters because they happen to believe that morality comes from Someone besides the self or this messed up society.
Therefore, I believe it more imperative than ever for Christians to have a proper framework for thinking through sexual and moral issues and to come to rock-solid convictions that won't be tossed about by mere desire. It is with this kind of daring candor that I offer up some of my thoughts on the cultural phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey.
If someone dares to orient their sexuality around God's design, they must understand a few things...
Truth #1: Your Most Powerful Sexual Organ is Your Brain*
It’s my hope that I can accurately think about not only Fifty Shades of Grey (FSOG) but also about BDSM, because if there’s one thing that the phenomenon known as FSOG has proven, it’s that sexual fantasy never has and never will be just a man’s world.
I actually just skimmed a piece last night featuring actress and documentary director Rashida Jones, who has a film that talks about the amateur porn industry coming out soon entitled Hot Girls Wanted. Basically it addresses how more and more 18-19 year-olds are getting into the field and how it affects them. According to Rashida “It’s performative, women aren’t feeling joy from it…This would be a whole different conversation if women were like ‘we were having sex, we love it so much. We want more of it. We feel so good about our bodies and ourselves…’ It’s fulfilling a male fantasy.”
Based on the millions of women who ate up FSOG like it was a hot fudge sundae, I’m not so sure I can 100% agree with Rashida. Even if I wanted to.
Does that mean that I think porn is a beautiful, special and holistically fulfilling experience for everyone involved?
Absolutely not.
It’s not even close.
But every day, there are women who watch porn. And a large majority of them got their start by reading erotica. And many of them don’t want to stop.
So there goes another theory. Apparently sex is not about “men being visual” and “women being emotional” when it comes to their needs and how to meet them. It would appear that the book (well, the trilogy) was not enough for the ladies. There had to be some kind of visual to feed into the fantasy. It would seem that the book could only “scratch the itch” but so far. (Which is why I see erotica more as a “gateway drug to porn” more than anything else.)
And yet, as I was reading one of the interviews from the actors about the film, I found something that Jamie Dornan, the guy who is portraying Christian Grey, said to be fascinating. When talking about shooting scenes in the sex dungeon with his co-star Dakota Johnson (who portrays Anastasia Steele), he said this:
Therefore, I have to ask. What is going on with so many of us that our minds are stimulated by what the BDSM world brings? Whether we choose to actually participate or simply watch Christian and Anastasia do it, why do so many of us find that it drives our senses rather than disgusts us?
Married people trying something new is one thing. But whether married or single, when we are stimulated by the thought or sight of people totally overpowering another (sometimes to the point of complete humiliation) or physically harming each other, then what does that say about us? About our views of sex? Deeper yet, about our views of the purpose of sex?
The Osho quote at the beginning of this post says that more sex can make a person more intelligent. Some may agree and some may not. I’ll say this: even Scripture says that husbands and wives need to engage one another regularly (I Corinthians 7:5) and being that God came up with sex. I get that it, within his boundaries, should only make a person better.
And I guess that’s my bottom line point...
Since the mind is the greatest sex organ and sex, in its original design, was created to make us better people, even mentally.
How is 50 Shades doing that exactly?
Truth #2: Sex is a Spiritual Experience
Sex is not just about two (or more) bodies getting a sexual release from/with one another. (See above discussion.) Sex brings about spiritual mysteries as well as physical facts. And when sex avoids commitment and intimacy, it tends to leave us lonely. It keeps us from fully knowing what “becoming one” is really all about.
That’s not what the world says. Of course not. That is what the Bible says, though.
Maybe I missed it in the middle of skimming articles about FSOG, but I don’t recall a Bible being inside of Christian Grey’s Red Room (or outside of it, for that matter). However, there’s no way I can address this topic without talking about the spiritual side of it. Or the lack thereof.
I find it quite poetic that the leading male character’s name is “Christian Grey” and that one of the quotes used in the trailer is “Love is not black and white.”
Um, yes it is. Biblically speaking, anyway.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, the great love chapter of the Bible, tells us exact what and how love is. Kind is the second adjective. Some definitions of kind are gentle, considerate and tender. How many people are able to say that their relationship is filled to the brim with kindness—both in and out of the bedroom.
Therefore, I believe it more imperative than ever for Christians to have a proper framework for thinking through sexual and moral issues and to come to rock-solid convictions that won't be tossed about by mere desire. It is with this kind of daring candor that I offer up some of my thoughts on the cultural phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey.
If someone dares to orient their sexuality around God's design, they must understand a few things...
Truth #1: Your Most Powerful Sexual Organ is Your Brain*
“So really it happens that the more sexual a person is, the more inventive he can be. The more sexual a person is, the more intelligent. With less sex energy, less intelligence exists; with more sexual energy, more intelligence, because sex is a deep search to uncover, not only bodies, not only the opposite sex body, but everything that is hidden.” — Osho
I actually just skimmed a piece last night featuring actress and documentary director Rashida Jones, who has a film that talks about the amateur porn industry coming out soon entitled Hot Girls Wanted. Basically it addresses how more and more 18-19 year-olds are getting into the field and how it affects them. According to Rashida “It’s performative, women aren’t feeling joy from it…This would be a whole different conversation if women were like ‘we were having sex, we love it so much. We want more of it. We feel so good about our bodies and ourselves…’ It’s fulfilling a male fantasy.”
Based on the millions of women who ate up FSOG like it was a hot fudge sundae, I’m not so sure I can 100% agree with Rashida. Even if I wanted to.
Does that mean that I think porn is a beautiful, special and holistically fulfilling experience for everyone involved?
Absolutely not.
It’s not even close.
But every day, there are women who watch porn. And a large majority of them got their start by reading erotica. And many of them don’t want to stop.
So there goes another theory. Apparently sex is not about “men being visual” and “women being emotional” when it comes to their needs and how to meet them. It would appear that the book (well, the trilogy) was not enough for the ladies. There had to be some kind of visual to feed into the fantasy. It would seem that the book could only “scratch the itch” but so far. (Which is why I see erotica more as a “gateway drug to porn” more than anything else.)
And yet, as I was reading one of the interviews from the actors about the film, I found something that Jamie Dornan, the guy who is portraying Christian Grey, said to be fascinating. When talking about shooting scenes in the sex dungeon with his co-star Dakota Johnson (who portrays Anastasia Steele), he said this:
“Some of the Red Room stuff was uncomfortable,” Dornan admitted. “There were times when Dakota was not wearing much, and I had to do stuff to her that I’d never choose to do to a woman.”Things in the room made him uncomfortable. Some of the things that he had to do, “the real him” would never do to a woman. Hmph. Doctors, scientists, and therapists alike will agree on two facts:
- Sex can be a complex topic.
- The most powerful sexual organ is not our genitalia, but our minds.
Therefore, I have to ask. What is going on with so many of us that our minds are stimulated by what the BDSM world brings? Whether we choose to actually participate or simply watch Christian and Anastasia do it, why do so many of us find that it drives our senses rather than disgusts us?
Married people trying something new is one thing. But whether married or single, when we are stimulated by the thought or sight of people totally overpowering another (sometimes to the point of complete humiliation) or physically harming each other, then what does that say about us? About our views of sex? Deeper yet, about our views of the purpose of sex?
The Osho quote at the beginning of this post says that more sex can make a person more intelligent. Some may agree and some may not. I’ll say this: even Scripture says that husbands and wives need to engage one another regularly (I Corinthians 7:5) and being that God came up with sex. I get that it, within his boundaries, should only make a person better.
And I guess that’s my bottom line point...
Since the mind is the greatest sex organ and sex, in its original design, was created to make us better people, even mentally.
How is 50 Shades doing that exactly?
Truth #2: Sex is a Spiritual Experience
“Sex is the closest that many people will ever come to a spiritual experience. Indeed, it is because it is a spiritual experience of sorts that so many chase after it with a repetitive, desperate kind of abandon. Often, whether they know it or not, they are searching for God.”—M. Scott PeckA Scripture that I love is 1 Corinthians 6:16-20, in the Message paraphrase:
“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one.’ Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never ‘become one.’ There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for ‘becoming one’ with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”
Sex is not just about two (or more) bodies getting a sexual release from/with one another. (See above discussion.) Sex brings about spiritual mysteries as well as physical facts. And when sex avoids commitment and intimacy, it tends to leave us lonely. It keeps us from fully knowing what “becoming one” is really all about.That’s not what the world says. Of course not. That is what the Bible says, though.
Maybe I missed it in the middle of skimming articles about FSOG, but I don’t recall a Bible being inside of Christian Grey’s Red Room (or outside of it, for that matter). However, there’s no way I can address this topic without talking about the spiritual side of it. Or the lack thereof.
I find it quite poetic that the leading male character’s name is “Christian Grey” and that one of the quotes used in the trailer is “Love is not black and white.”
Um, yes it is. Biblically speaking, anyway.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, the great love chapter of the Bible, tells us exact what and how love is. Kind is the second adjective. Some definitions of kind are gentle, considerate and tender. How many people are able to say that their relationship is filled to the brim with kindness—both in and out of the bedroom.
1 John 1:5 tells us exactly how God is as well: “God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.”
He’s crystal clear. There’s no darkness, no “shadiness.”
And yet, aren’t a lot of us like Christian Grey? One way or another? Christians, yet “grey” on so many issues that we shouldn’t be?
There are going to be a lot (and I mean, a lot) of people who will be flocking to see FSOG. Personally, I can’t help but wonder what they’ll be looking for on the screen. You can just peep the trailer and know that Mr. Grey has some, let’s just say “deep issues.” And as I talked about above, I find it pretty tragic that Anastasia gives him her virginity. More than anything because of what the Bible says about the purpose of sex (celebrating the love between a husband and wife) and how we are to see our bodies (sacred).
He’s crystal clear. There’s no darkness, no “shadiness.”
And yet, aren’t a lot of us like Christian Grey? One way or another? Christians, yet “grey” on so many issues that we shouldn’t be?
There are going to be a lot (and I mean, a lot) of people who will be flocking to see FSOG. Personally, I can’t help but wonder what they’ll be looking for on the screen. You can just peep the trailer and know that Mr. Grey has some, let’s just say “deep issues.” And as I talked about above, I find it pretty tragic that Anastasia gives him her virginity. More than anything because of what the Bible says about the purpose of sex (celebrating the love between a husband and wife) and how we are to see our bodies (sacred).
I get that many individuals will simply say, “Brant, what’s the big deal? It’s just a movie.” But I don’t know... Is it? Consider the fact that we are not only physical beings, but spiritual ones too, and look at the word “spirit” from the angle of being our “life,” our “essence,” and our “nature.”
For the married people who may get down like that, am I saying it’s wrong?
Umm... Life has taught me that you can get to the bottom line of a lot of things in life if you’re honest about your motives (Proverbs 17:20, Proverbs 21:2, Proverbs 21:8 - The Message). Only you know what those are.
But what I am saying is that John 4:24 tells us that “God is Spirit” and so there’s no way that he was going to invent something like sex and want it to be void of spirituality. Therefore whatever we decide to do with our mates – our lives and their lives, our essence and their essence, our nature and their nature – should ever remain on the forefront of our minds.
For the married people who may get down like that, am I saying it’s wrong?
Umm... Life has taught me that you can get to the bottom line of a lot of things in life if you’re honest about your motives (Proverbs 17:20, Proverbs 21:2, Proverbs 21:8 - The Message). Only you know what those are.
But what I am saying is that John 4:24 tells us that “God is Spirit” and so there’s no way that he was going to invent something like sex and want it to be void of spirituality. Therefore whatever we decide to do with our mates – our lives and their lives, our essence and their essence, our nature and their nature – should ever remain on the forefront of our minds.
Based on what I’ve read and researched about FSOG, spirituality in the story is an afterthought at best.
In the meantime, you know, I really like M. Scott Peck’s quote on sex above. That in his mind, sex is the epitome of a spiritual experience while at the same time, a lot of people do not realize that chasing after sex is really about longing to be in a closer relationship with the Creator of it.
Based on the numbers that FSOG is projected to have its opening weekend, perhaps that’s the silver lining to all of this. It shows those of us who have found satisfaction in the love and tenderness of the Savior are actually on to something. It shows that millions and millions of people need to be reminded of the fact that they don’t have to chase after erotica or porn or sexual fetishes to make themselves feel complete.
They just need to put the Spirit and their spirit first; everything else will work itself out. For their good. The good of their mind, body and spirit.
Yes, in and out of the bedroom.
That kind of truth really is black and white.
In the meantime, you know, I really like M. Scott Peck’s quote on sex above. That in his mind, sex is the epitome of a spiritual experience while at the same time, a lot of people do not realize that chasing after sex is really about longing to be in a closer relationship with the Creator of it.
Based on the numbers that FSOG is projected to have its opening weekend, perhaps that’s the silver lining to all of this. It shows those of us who have found satisfaction in the love and tenderness of the Savior are actually on to something. It shows that millions and millions of people need to be reminded of the fact that they don’t have to chase after erotica or porn or sexual fetishes to make themselves feel complete.
They just need to put the Spirit and their spirit first; everything else will work itself out. For their good. The good of their mind, body and spirit.
Yes, in and out of the bedroom.
That kind of truth really is black and white.
No grey.
*A lot of my thoughts have been influenced by www.xxxchurch.com. Go check them out! They are awesome people who love Jesus and who love all kinds of sinners.
*A lot of my thoughts have been influenced by www.xxxchurch.com. Go check them out! They are awesome people who love Jesus and who love all kinds of sinners.
