"Where did it all go?"

This is a question my wife and I ask a lot when we review our finances each week. It never seems like we have enough to pay for anything...like food, or transportation, or ministry, or other unimportant stuff. We pay our bills, buy just enough food for a week or so, and fill the cars with gas. So when the car broke down on my wife today while I was at work, I had no way of fixing it or even paying someone else to fix it. I felt so helpless and useless. And on the way home from work, it all came crashing down on me. I felt so terrible that I have subjected her to this really low standard of living. I guess I had been holding onto this notion that I have to give her everything in order to make her happy.

But God has been teaching me something really hard, but really valuable: We don't need everything, just Him. And to show me this, it feels like he is stripping away everything that I hold onto really tight. To show that He is the ultimate Provider and Protector, he is putting me in so many situations where I can't protect or provide it all, so I have to rely on Him to come through. And all of this was running through my mind there in the car, the song "Keep Making Me" by Sidewalk Prophets came on the radio. It was almost like God was speaking directly to me in that moment saying, "Brant, I am making you broken, so you can rely on Me to heal you. I am making you empty so you can rely on only Me to fill you." And in that moment, I felt at ease because I knew that everything would work out fine, despite how much worry the Enemy was trying to inflict on me.

I realized something today. There is a great blessing in not having it all. It is actually to my benefit to be empty and broken because in those times of great need, I know that I cannot hold it all together by myself. I must rely on God, or, to be more correct, I get to rely on God. It is such an incredible feeling to leap into the strong merciful arms of the One who I know holds everything together (Colossians 1:17). God will always take care of me. For this I can give thanks. He will never let me fall. Because of this, I live with confidence. There is always something to be thankful for when I am relying on God. And as Ann Voskamp said in her book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, "As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible."

I wonder where you derive your joy these days. Are you discovering the beauty of relying on God? If so, let me know about it in the comments below!

When my brother and I were kids, we used to wrestle a lot...like many brothers probably do. Because

I was the older brother, I was usually able to beat him because I was stronger. But as we grew older, my win streaks became more sporadic until I could no longer take him. Now he weighs more than me and is twice as strong as me. Every wrestling match is an embarrassment now. I remember one time in college where my floor held it's annual Wrestle Mania during Founder's Week. As I feared, everyone thought it would be a great spectacle to see me and brother duke it out on the mat. Also as I feared, all present saw a 20 second pin resulting in him sitting on top of me. And as much as I tried, I couldn't push him off. He was too heavy. His caboose just sank into my back like a ton of bricks on a feather bed.

I think at some point in all of our lives, grace is a little like that for us. It shows up in our lives and just sinks down upon our selfish, defiant hearts. That was my story this morning as I was at church. We began to sing a song that talked about the grace of God, and my rebel heart began to resist. And as it kept chasing me across the wastelands of my own resistance, it finally hit me like a ton of bricks and sank heavy upon heart until I surrendered to God once again and let him speak grace and joy and peace into my heart. And as the tidal waves of God's love kept crashing over me, I was brought to tears of joy.

See, there's this funny thing about grace. It is extremely heavy for a selfish heart to bear. You cannot accept God's grace when you are constantly trying to justify yourself. Unless you give up trying to prove how awesome you are on your own, grace will just weigh down on you and make you feel guilty and weak. You just become exhausted trying to prove your worth on your own. But the minute you open your heart to accept God's love and grace, you will feel more freedom and peace than you have ever known in your life. The moment you drop the burden of control over your own life and accept the load of grace that Jesus offers, you will find how light and amazing it is. Indeed, Jesus even said,

"Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourself. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 (HCSB)

So my encouragement to you this week is to stop trying so hard to find approval from everyone by making all the right moves and saying all the right things. You are more valuable to your heavenly Father than just for what you say or do. He loves you for who you are. So run to Him in prayer and in his Word, and seek his grace. And there is where you will find what your heart has always been looking for - unconditional love and unending grace.

He wants you. Just for you. Seriously.

Today, I watched on as my beloved Everton lost to arch rivals Liverpool 4-0 in the English Premier League (it's a soccer league, for the uninformed). It was truly a disappointing match for me to watch. Nothing seemed to go right when it came to how we played. Every time we thought we were getting close to scoring, Liverpool countered with a lightning fast attack the other way to score on our helpless defense. You can watch the highlights here.

However, I was unable to watch the game in the presence of anyone who enjoys soccer. It was enjoyable to watch the game. But it would have so much more enjoyable to watch it with others. This is the point I am getting at:

Everything good is better when you enjoy it in community with others who enjoy it.

Soccer is fun to follow, but as an American man in the Midwest, I don't have much of a community to enjoy it with, nonetheless to support Everton with me. It is so much more enjoyable to watch it with other people who care about it as much I do.

To be honest with you, I was pouting a little bit today about all of this...not being able to watch the Everton game with anyone who cares about football (the real football). I was feeling down and a wee bit depressed that I have to enjoy my passions - soccer and specialty coffee - with so few people. But then the Lord began to change my thought process.

I asked myself what the most important part of my life was. The answer was obvious - almost so obvious that I had forgotten about it - my faith. I mean seriously, if I had to pick the best part of my life in which to enjoy enjoy community with others, it would be my faith. There are many parts of my life, but if I had to choose between them all which to enjoy in a passionate community, it would most certainly have to be my pursuit of Jesus. I can leave soccer behind, I can leave coffee behind, I can leave everything behind. But if I had to navigate my own faith journey alone, I would go crazy because it is at the heart of everything I do.

I so badly need others around me to encourage me in the pursuit of Christ. Loving Jesus is a complete joy, about which I could write for hours. But when I am surrounded by others who are passionately loving Jesus, my joy is made even more complete. Therefore, I choose to intentionally involve myself in Christian community because I know that my pursuit of Christ is made so much better in the presence of others who are also pursuing him.

So this is my encouragement to you today:

Press into community...even if you're ashamed of who you are. Jesus isn't. He loves you. He love you so intensely and passionately that all of your faults are forgotten in the empty space of forgiveness and grace. And admit it...you need others in your life to help you love him back. You know you can't do this on your own. You are hard-wired for community. That's why you can understand my frustration with having to enjoy something on my own. It is part of who you are to engage in community.

You can choose to surround yourself with people who care a lot about the things in your life that get you going - music, the Seahawks, politics, mountain biking, girls, tacos, or TOMS - and there is nothing inherently wrong with them. But I encourage you to also intentionally surround yourself with the kind of people who make you want to love Jesus even more, and you'll never walk alone.

"And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him - a threefold cord is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12 (ESV)

"Some people have gotten out of the habit of meeting for worship, but we must not do that. We should keep on encouraging each other, especially since you know that the day of the Lord's coming is getting closer." Hebrews 10:25  (CEV)

P.S. I want to give a shout out to my wife, my best friends Mark, David, and Ryan, and of course my awesome little brother Benjamin for being those people in my life who have inspired me to love Jesus even more passionately. I couldn't do it without you!

This poem is dedicated to all the students at Harvest Baptist Church that I have grown to really love and appreciate over the last few months. This is a result of my journey with the Lord and learning who I really am in His eye as opposed to who I see myself as. So often, we are tempted to think little of ourselves because of how messed up we are, but if we really see ourselves as God sees us, we will realize that there is greatness and worth tucked inside this fragile frame. No matter what the world tells us, or what we tell ourselves, we are wanted by the Eternal Creator.

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You.

Yeah, you.

I'm speaking to the real you.

 

The you that only you see

When you're hiding from His mercy.

The you that you cover up

When ashamed of that other love.

I'm talking to you.

Y. O. U.

Do I know you?

I don't think that I do.

I know a facade.

I see a mask.

I know there's something more.

I know there's something past

The happy face that you wear,

That pretty lace in your hair,

The cozy space that you share,

Your high school days - like you cared.

There's someone inside of you

   You'd rather not meet - 

      Mysterious and hidden - 

         You don't know what you'd see.

You've been hiding so long

You don't remember yourself - 

Your real self, the true you - 

Not the pictures on the shelf.

Are you a monster or a prince?

The question makes you wince.

Are you the drop-out or the dancer?

You don't know how to answer.

But I'm talking to you.

Y. O. U.

Do any know you?

My God knows you through.

 

"You have scoped me

And You have known me.

You know when I'm down,

And when I'm in town;

You discern my thoughts for days

And are well-acquainted with my ways.

Before I speak a word,

You might as well have heard." (adapted from Psalm 139:1-4)

 

But the story won't stop here.

You don't need to live in fear.

He knows you every night

Because He made you very right.

"Your craftsmanship is awesome.

You made me with wonder.

I know I'm tailor-made.

I am never going under." (adapted from Psalm 139:13-14)

 

I'm calling out to you.

Your heaven-made self - 

Come out of that shellf;

Get off of that shelf.

 

Come alive and meet Him - 

The One who knows you - 

Stop hiding from your past;

Find a love that is true.

 

Stop faking you.

You're not too far.

He'll take you in

Just as you are.

 

He's calling to you.

Y. O. U.

Don't fear to be true.

He loves the real you.

I wrote this as a outburst of my heart after singing the hymn Sovereign by Chris Tomlin this morning in church. I was overwhelmed with the sovereign tenderness of my Heavenly Father, and how much he takes joy in any little attempt I make to love him back.

In a tender moment

In the eye of my mind

I see a father weeping - 

With tears, soft and mild - 

In the fragile embrace

Of his loving child.

"Daddy, are you sad?

Did I do any wrong?"

"No, my child, I'm not.

There is no sadness here.

I cry because of love - 

There is joy in these tears."

The the moment is done.

I wake and then I see

That You were the Father,

And the child was me. 

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