There is so much we do every day. But is Jesus part of all we do? Have you invited him in, or is he standing on the front porch of your life?

   I can be such a jerk.


   This morning I was confronted with my own selfishness and hurtfulness. A dear friend of mine said I deeply hurt them by the words I said. And sadly, it was true. I never thought I would do it in a million years. And all day, I have been kicking myself, wishing I had it all back. I wish I could go back and do things over. But I can't. Even though, I have been forgiven, I must now deal with the natural consequences. That is something that won't change. All I can do is weather the storm of broken trust and a wounded heart that I created with my own words. I have apologized (and many times more in my head), but now I must face up to the effects.

I wish I could go back and do things over.
But I can't.

   So I write this from a place I never thought I would be in. I write this in the midst of the regret, in which I am learning some hard, but important lessons. When you are dealing with the consequences of  hurting someone else...


1. Don't defend yourself. You were wrong. It only prolongs the hurt. Man up and admit your faults.
2. Seek forgiveness. Practice saying this, "I am sorry. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?" Go ahead. Say it. Out loud. Yes, right now. "I am sorry. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?" Oh, and mean it. Nothing is worse than a fake apology. You know what you'll get? A fake forgiveness. Truly ask for forgiveness.
3. DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN. Once you have made it clear in your mind that you will never do it again, and how you will avoid it in the future, make it clear to the person you hurt. The only really way to prove this, however, is over a long time, so...
4. Lace up for a long road of earning trust back. Trust can be broken in a single conversation, but takes much longer to regain. You will have to show yourself faithful day in and day out.
5. Stay positive. It's often not as bad as you make it out to be in your own mind. I am the king of making a mountain out of a molehill in my own mind. Cheer up! Things will get better. God is still in control. He knows the end from the beginning...and he is not freaking out. Soak yourself in the Gospel, and accept the grace of God.

Every day counts.

   These steps will not guarantee that everything will turn out peachy keen. But in doing things like this, you will please God and become a man or woman of honor. They are not easy. But they make life easier in the long run. The regret will be forgotten soon enough. So live each moment intentionally. Every day you are given counts. It matters for your life, the lives of others, and the glory of God. Choose today - even if you are not dealing with your own stupidity currently - to live each day with a sense of intentionality. The words you say matter. And the actions you do count.

Welcome to life...
This is what has been going through my head like a monotonous drumbeat for the last few weeks.

Welcome to life. Welcome to love.

Welcome to job hunting. 
Welcome to just-enough-paychecks. 
Welcome to pressure. 
Welcome to the joys of love. 
Welcome to the anxiety of expectation. 
Welcome to the desire to be four places at once. 
Welcome to five classes each expecting you to put it as your main priority at this point in your life. 
Welcome to rest...from 1 am to 6:30 am. 
Welcome to coffee addiction. 
Welcome to putting things aside to be with the Lord. 
Welcome to not having all the answers. 
Welcome to having very few answers. 
Welcome to the cry for wisdom. 
Welcome to the plea for help. 
Welcome to a huge world.
Welcome to life.


   The thing is, I chose this life. It's not like it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I stepped onto this path. And I continue to run this course. I can jump out at any point, but I won't. I won't because of one thing: love. I am driven by love. It isn't life that drives me, it is love. So instead of "Welcome to life", it's "Welcome to love." Instead of a drumbeat, I hear my heart beat.
   Yes. I am in love. First, I am in love with Jesus. Second, I am in love with Christine. And it is my love that drives me to be better. Growing is never easy. But it is always better. Growing stretches me. But it also strengthens me. Because I love Jesus, I choose to follow him in ministry. I am driven to serve him with all of my heart. I train to minister to others so they can love him passionately too (cf. 1 Corinthians 9:26-27). If I didn't, Jesus would have a guy who thought he was cool. But that's all he would have - a guy who thought he was cool. Because I love Christine, I push myself to be someone she can enjoy loving. I discipline myself to manage a crazy schedule of ministry, schooling, pursuing her, my job, being with friends, and resting so that she can have a man who is effective in ministry, smart, understanding of her, able to meet the expenses of life, sociable, and strong. If I didn't, she would still have a boy who liked her a lot, but that's all she would have - a boy who liked her a lot.

Love must take us to the next level.

   Love must drive us to be better. Love must take us to the next level. So often in our culture, "like" is mistaken for "love." Infatuation is mistaken for real love. A fluttering heart is mistaken for a committed heart. A fluttering heart is not real love! Sure, there are a lot of great feelings when you are in love. And they are amazing! But if you base your love on the Feelings-O-Meter, you will never have an accurate scale. Love is a verb. It requires action. It transforms you. As my father once counseled me, "Love is measured by 'staying power.'" The lover is in it to win it - not just until the warm fuzzies flutter away. 
   Life comes at you like a Mac truck. And it doesn't slow down. Often I hear people say that falling in love is too inconvenient for this time in life. But I have found the opposite to be true. It has strengthened me and driven to be better...as it should.
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So I have some questions to ask: Has God's love for you (Romans 5:8) driven you to love God and your lover more? And has your love pushed you to the next level? 


I will leave you with a thought: According to the Bible, love is more about holiness than it is about happiness. If you are growing in the Lord (and as a person), you are probably doing things right.

   This week is Holy Week. It is the week that Christians all over the world celebrate as the week leading up to the passion of Jesus. In other words, this is the week that held the important events leading up to the cross of Christ. Many churches commemorate this time by enacting the sufferings of Jesus through various observances and services of worship. But as I think back over Holy Week, I notice something peculiar. Jesus hardly met anybody's expectations.


   Sunday: Jesus came into the city of Jerusalem riding on a donkey. This was an act that spoke to his kingly rule. Kings would ride into their home city to a jubilant crowd riding on a donkey. Little did they know, however, this was not the type of king they were expecting.
   Thursday: Jesus ate the Last Supper with disciples before his crucifixion. It is here that he gave them a "new command" - to love one another. It is here that he demonstrated servant leadership by washing their feet, and told them that whoever is the greatest must be the servant of all. It is here that he prayed the High Priestly prayer for all believers of all time. This was not the type of dinner that they were expecting.

Jesus hardly met anybody's
expectations.

   Friday: Jesus was led to the chief priests and rulers to be tried - quite unfairly, might I add. He was falsely accused. But he didn't defend himself! It almost seemed like he wanted it this way. His disciples knew he was the King of everything, but he let himself be desecrated by unrefined Romans. And then they crucified him! The whole land went dark. The temple veil was torn in half from the top down. They had no idea what was going on. This was not the Passover that they were expecting.
   Sunday: When Mary Magdalene came to embalm the body of Jesus with spices, she was shocked with a sight she didn't remember seeing when she was at the tomb last: wasn't Jesus' body supposed to be in the tomb? Why was the stone rolled away? And as her perplexed mind was groping for something that made sense, the keeper of the grounds walked up to her asking who she was looking for. So she unfolded her grief to this stranger...or was he? When he said "Mary," she knew it was her Jesus! She quickly ran and told the disciples, who did not believe her right away. But when he appeared to them later that day, they knew he was alive! Their Messiah had not taken down the Romans, but he had defeated death.This was not the victory they were expecting.


   So often, in his life, Jesus did not exactly give people what they were expecting. And especially in his death, nothing happened the way anybody expected it to (cf. Isaiah 53:1-3). However, even though Jesus did not act the way people imagined the Messiah would, he did so much more than any one could have ever imagined. And it seems as though that is the way Jesus typically operates in the world still today. For example, when we ask Jesus for a miraculous healing, he heals our motives. When we ask him for a particular product, he gives us contentment. When we ask him for wisdom, he gives us someone in our lives who we are supposed to pour into. When we do not feel like we deserve grace, he makes us to know his love. When we think we cannot go on, he brings encouragement into our lives. When the storm seems too raging, he walks with us through it. Jesus is in the business of shattering expectations. He is too awesome to put in a box. He is the King of the universe, for heaven's sake.


   So this Easter weekend, I hope that you do not get what you expect. I hope that you are not satisfied with answers to your safe prayers. I hope that your expectations are dashed into a thousand pieces, and that you see Jesus for who he truly is. I hope that your worship of him is taken to the next level. I hope that you are not merely satisfied, but blown away with the beauty and majesty and exquisite glory of the One who knows no limitation.